I'm jealous of your bromance
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
