If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
