I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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