I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
