You're so nebulous sometimes
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
