Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
