My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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