The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
