my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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