My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
