I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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