I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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