i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
