So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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