Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize