quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
