Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
