You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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