Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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