i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
