We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
