There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
