I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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