I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
