You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
