the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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