one two three fourrrrnication!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
