one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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