he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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