He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
