my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
