o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
