Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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