that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
