i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
