guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize