His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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