Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
