We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We just shotgunned beers for America
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
