Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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