Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
