I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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