we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
