I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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