I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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