I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
