whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
