I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
