I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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