hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
