When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
