Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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