this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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