I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
