break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
