actually, I'm a sock model
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I forget how to act sober
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
