pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
