If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
