I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
