hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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