Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
