dude i'm inner monologue high
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
