If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
