He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
