ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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