I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
