at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
