Me too!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
