but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what day is it and did you see me today?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
