i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
