4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
