and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
