It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
