you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
