I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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