My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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