i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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