You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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