dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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