You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
