i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He shit in the fireplace
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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