you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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