I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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