I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
