I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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