Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
