And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
