yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize