come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
