Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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