we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
