Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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