i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
